Anti-Resolutions

Last year Dale from Write Anything shared his list of Anti-Resolutions to bring the New Year in. He has shared another list with us this year.

I had an attempt at it last year but they all just came off sounding sappy, naff or both so I never got around to compiling my list of Anti-Resolutions. This year I'm up for it.

1. I will not buy a Barmix for the expressed purpose of blending my vomit in the sink so it slides more easily down the plug hole.

2. I will not take up a highly paid position with Phillip Morris and in essence sell my soul to the devil. Nor will I sell it to his hench men at Monsanto, Tate & Lyle, Nestle or GalaxoSmithKline

3. I will not sell my son into slavery in a salt mine (though he'd better watch himself!)

4. I will not buy a box of wanky highbrow literature to fill my book shelves with and pretend I know something about all of them.

5. I will not buy a pair of exotic and ridiculously expensive high heels shoes to traverse the streets of Brisbane in.

6. I will not poo in the pool.

7. I will not secretly store and freeze my partners semen and sell it on the blackmarket to desperate lesbian couples and single women who can't get access to reproductive assistance in australia.

8. I will not drink scotch and pretend that I like it just so I can look cultured.

9. I will not keep my house spick and span so that I can be the model housewife.

10. I will not suggest to my partner that a relocation to the Democratic Republic of the Congo sounds like a fun and exciting prospect for our family.

What you put on your list of Anti-Resolutions?